


Love will tear us apart - or maybe not

by NoraDoherty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Dean Winchester/Top Sam Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, F/M, Love Confessions, M/M, Mention of Jessica and Sam/Jessica, Mention of Sam/Abigail, Porn with Feelings, Pre-Stanford, Sam doesn't realize he loves Dean, at first unrequited love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-06-25 22:40:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15650367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoraDoherty/pseuds/NoraDoherty
Summary: Dean has been in love with Sam since ever, but Sam doesn't love him back, or at least that's what Dean thinks.Things get complicated when John disappears and Dean has to go to Sam and ask for his help.





	1. Chapter 1

Sam had just returned from the library, where he went to study with a friend. Or at least that’s what he’d told Dean. Their father had abandoned them in the motel and went to follow a lead on his own, like it happened often. The boys were alone, so they had pretty much all the freedom the wanted since one would have never denied it to the other.

“How was the library?” asked Dean letting Sam understand what the actual question was.

“It was fine, me and Abigail even better. We kissed” replied Sam with a proud smile. Dean’s stomach twisted at the revelation. But he faked a smile anyway and even tried to make conversation with Sam on the topic.

“So you two are a thing now or what?”

“We actually didn’t discuss it but I suppose we are”

"You’re gonna make her suffer you know that right?”

“Why are you being so mean?”

“I’m just looking out for you and for her we’re leaving sooner or later and what will happen to you two? Have you thought about that?”

Sam didn’t answer immediately, he knew Dean was right but didn’t want to think about that. Not yet.

“Can’t you just be happy for me?”

“You know I am. I was just warning you”

Sam left the small kitchen and went taking a shower, while Dean kept watching his dumb film on the crappy TV. Sometimes Dean didn’t understand why he treated his little brother like that, other times he had the answer perfectly clear in his mind. There was only an explanation to his rudeness, he was in love with Sam. He had been since day one, when Mary and John had taken him home and Dean saw the little smile Sam had given him.

Realizing and even more accepting it has been hard for Dean, at first he denied his love, he told himself it was something else. Then he started to feel sick every time he thought about Sam o what he wanted from him. He started to feel so sick that when he thought about Sam as more than a brother he had the impulse of throwing up. Eventually he accepted what things were, but didn’t want to think about it so he began to fuck every girl that smiled at him.

When Sam got out of the shower Dean got up of the couch, as if it was a reflex and mumbling something about getting dinner and walked out of the motel room closing the door behind himself.

***

When Dean returned Sam was waiting for him watching TV, he didn't even noticed Dean entered the room or probably he was still mad at his brother for the previous argument. 

"Sam, dinner is ready"

Sam didn't reply to Dean but went into the kitchen and eat, of course without saying a word. The hours seemed eternal to Dean, in the room there was a layer of tension that could be cut with a knife. Eventually Dean was the one that decided to break their silence, he couldn't stand not speaking to Sam.

"Listen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to be sure that you knew all the risks about this relationship. But now I realize that I should have been more careful with my words"

"It wasn't you Dean, I guess I'm mad because I know you're right, but for the first time I felt like there could have been something deep between me and Abigail and it makes me furious that we're leaving in a month or so"

"You can still make the most out of the time you have"

"Yeah, but it's not the same knowing you have to count the days that you've left"

Their conversation ended and the two brothers spent the rest of the night watching TV or cleaning their guns waiting for John to come back. 

John didn't showed up nor got in touch with the boys for the following two weeks and while Sam was always more in love with Abigail and tried to spend every minute with her, Dean tried not to let his feelings for his little brother overwhelm him.

***

One day, before John came back, Sam even introduced Abigail to Dean, who had to admit that she was very pretty: brown, long hair and hazel eyes. How could Sam not be into her? And the more she and Dean talked, the more Dean understood what Sam saw in her. She was ironic without being mean and so kind, she had the kind of kindness that doesn't make you question if it's just to impress, you know it's how she is. Plus she never seemed weirded out by the fact that his boyfriend – at least according to Sam – lived in a motel with only his brother. Dean tried so hard to find something off about her, but he couldn't. 

Of course as soon as she left for dinner, she had a real family and they had dinner all together acknowledged Dean, Sam wanted to know what Dean thought about her. And with Sam's most lethal weapon, his puppy eyes, pointed against Dean, how could he not tell Sam that he loved her. Dean's answer seemed to have relieved Sam, to the point that he didn't stopped talking about her for the following hour.

After knowing her Dean realized that he could never be jealous of such an amazing girl, he actually felt like if things would have worked out in the end for Abigail and Sam he would have been satisfied and could have accepted if she was the one Sam decided to spend the rest of his life with. Yes, she definitely was a catch.

In the middle of the night the two brother heard a noise out of the motel room, or at least Dean heard it. He opened his eyes, even if he was not facing the door, but other way and gripped firmly the dagger he kept under the pillowWhen he heard the door being opened he jumped up and in a second he was on the intruder, waking Sam up in the process. 

Even in the weak light that came from the moon he saw the face of the man: John. Dean could smell the alcohol in John’s breath.

“Have you been drinking again?”

“What do you care?”

“I care dad if when you drink you enter our motel room like you were one of the monsters we hunt”

“Yeah, I know I know”

“Go to sleep tomorrow, when you’re sober you’ll tell us about the hunt. You too Sam”

Everybody went back to sleep, Sam in one bed, Dean in the other and John on the couch. Dean didn’t sleep well that night, he thought about how lately their father drank much more than he used to. Maybe this life was consuming him too, even if he didn’t want to show it. But of course his own sons couldn’t help but notice it and obviously Dean was the one who had to take care of everything while John couldn’t. Sometimes Dean thought he couldn’t do it, he felt overwhelmed by the responsibilities. He was the oldest and he knew that was what he was supposed to do, but on the other hand he was only 22 and wanted to enjoy his life without thinking. Not that he’d ever thought about quitting his life, he lived for hunting monsters and saving people, preferably pretty chicks.

Then he thought about the first time he and Sam slept in different beds, Sam was about fourteen and John thought he was getting too old to still be sleeping with Dean so he booked two twins instead of a king bed. Dean remembered how he felt like things were changing too fast but he also felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He liked sleeping with his little brother, plus this way they saved a lot of money, but during the night when Sam got closer to Dean, even subconsciously, and they slept hugged, Dean couldn’t help but having wet dreams or an erection or both.

***

Mornings were always busy: Sam had to get ready for school, because he really cared about it, and Dean had to clean everything up before the cleaning ladies came into the room and found something odd. Sam and Dean woke up at 6.30 and did what they had to while John slept for another hour or two. Thankfully when he woke up Sam was already in school and Dean took John to grab a coffee to talk about the hunt, Dean had figured out that that was what made John drink so much the night before.

“So you’re gonna tell me what happened with that werewolf?”

John took a deep breath, images of what he did still very clear in his memory.

“Everything was fine. The thing is it was a child, Dean. She was turned into a werewolf about five months ago and she couldn’t control herself yet”

“You killed her?”

“I did. It was one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done. She was crying and begged me not to kill her and I almost gave up, but then I remembered what she did to that poor couple and I did what needed to be done”

“She was a child, dad. How could you kill her cold blooded like this? She could have learned to control herself!”

“You weren’t there, you didn’t see the corpses. It was like she enjoyed making the suffer before taking their heart”

Dean looked at John with disbelief, every time he thought that his father was becoming more understanding towards these creatures, he did something to prove Dean wrong.He surely understood why his father hated supernatural beings so much, he lost his mother but John lost his wife. But Dean thought that even these creatures needed to be comprehended and maybe listened to before killing them. That’s why he never really agreed with John’s rule “Shoot first, ask questions later”.

Do not tell Sam, I don’t want him to know what kind of person are you”

“Speaking of him, you need to tell him that we’re leaving in four days”

“So soon, I thought we would have stayed here at least till the end of the school year. It’s just three more weeks, you know that no other school will take him so close to the end of the year”

“Fine, you boys can stay here, while I’ll take care of a rugaru in Alabama. You know I won’t be able to keep in touch so I trust you on this Dean”

“I don’t need you to tell me this, you know I’ll take care of Sam”

***  
John left exactly four days after that conversation with Dean and left the boys were on their own once more. Not that they complained, it was nice when it was just the two of them and nothing else to worry about – except for the monsters, but they followed the Winchesters everywhere, so not a big deal – it made things feel almost normal. Things seemed so much simpler when John and all his plans for revenge were not around. Sometimes it took a lot of patience to be around John. Sam and Dean talked a lot about this and how their father really needed to overcome Mary’s death. This life-style wasn’t healthy for them and even less for their father. Every time John thought he was close to the yellow-eyed demon, he never really reached it. So what was the point in hunting this thing for so long forgetting about the important stuff in his sons’ lives? He wasn’t there to teach Sam how to ride a bike nor he was there for Dean when he graduated and he probably won’t be there for Sam’s graduation. At the end of the day it was always the two of them: Sam and Dean.


	2. Chapter 2

John didn’t make it to Sam’s graduation. Not that any of the two brothers was expecting him to, but a small part of Dean hoped he would have been there, at least for Sam. 

After the ceremony Dean took Sam and Abigail to eat out. Not in one of the usual diners where they have been eating for the past twenty years, but in an actual restaurant, a fancy one with reservation and good food. Dean wanted to eat there partly to make a better impression on Abigail and most of all as his present for Sam’s graduation. 

Sam and Dean ordered a steak – Sam decided to treat himself for once – while Abigail opted for a salad. Of course the food was delicious and to take advantage of the night everybody ordered the dessert, which was as amazing as the rest of the meal. 

After dinner Dead left Sam and Abigail alone for a walk, while he returned to the motel. Since he was already there he decided to prepare things for the night. Dean started to pour salt at the doorstep of every door and on the windowsill of every window. He started to look for the salt when he remembered it was in Sam’s duffel bag. While he was emptying the bag to find it, Dean found something else which made him forget completely about the salt. 

In Sam’s bag, folded into his underwear Dean found a white envelope that was addressed to Sam. He knew it was none of his business, but he wanted to see what was going on in his little brother’s life. They’ve never hidden anything from each other, so Dean was a bit worried too. 

When he opened the envelope what he read left him speechless. 

It was an acceptance letter which guaranteed Sam’s admission to Stanford. Dean felt hurt at the thought that Sam didn’t even mentioned the idea of going to college.  
They told each other everything and Dean didn’t understand why Sam never talked with him about it. That was what hurt Dean the most. 

It wasn’t true of course. Dean was equally hurt by the fact that Sam hid such a big decision from him and about the fact that he wanted to leave him. It was never a secret that Sam never enjoyed that life and that he wanted to have a normal life, with a normal family and a normal job. But Dean never thought he was being serious about it, he always thought it was just a fantasy. 

Dean wanted to confront Sam about the letter as soon as he was home, so he folded Sam’s clothes again but kept the letter in his back pocket waiting for his brother to came to the motel. 

***  
Things never went the way Dean expected, John returned to the motel before Sam did. And of course he saw the envelope in Dean’s pocket so he had to tell John all about it. 

It was just as obvious that John didn’t listened when Dean told him not to be too harsh on Sam. As soon as his brother walked through the door his father started yelling at him. 

“What the fuck Sam, why do you have a fucking admission letter from a college you’ll never attend?”

“What do you mean that I’ll never attend Stanford?”

“You’re not going to leave us of course and with our life you won’t have the time to study at home”

“And tell me who says that I’m not going to leave you?”

“You’re not this stupid. You know that if you did you’d be out of our lives for ever”

“What are you saying? It’s my future and I have a scholarship you cannot forbid me to go to college by blackmailing me!” 

“I knew you were never made for this job, you were never a good hunter let alone a good son”

At this point it was Dean who intervened.

“Dad! Sam he doesn’t mean it”

“Yes Dean I do”

“Don’t listen to him Sam, please stay. Do it for me”

“You know Dean how much this means to me. How much a normal future means to me. You need to let me go”

“Yeah Dean let him go”

“But his your son”

“Not anymore”

“If that is the case I might as well leave tonight”

“Sam if you walk out of that door, don’t you ever come back!” 

Sam looked at John and took his duffle bag going out of the motel room. Dean threw at John with a judgmental glance and run after Sam to stop him or at least try to. But after thinking about it Dean understood that he couldn’t say nothing to make Sam stay. He didn’t chose to stay, not even for Dean, so why should he have gone after him? And to tell him what? To throw his future away or even better that he loved him? Maybe Sam was really better off alone at college. 

***  
After Sam left things were not the same anymore, especially between Dean and John. Dean started to hunt more often on his own to the point were he and John spoke only on the phone. He tried to call Sam and for the few weeks nothing seemed changed, but after a while Sam started not to answer every time Dean called and they eventually stopped talking at all. 

Dean felt Sam’s absence in every moment of every day. Not having his brother at the motel with him and fighting over the limited cold water, or more simply not having someone to talk to during the day it was kind of depressing. Sam’s absence began to devour Dean from the inside until he found a way to make things slightly better. 

 

He started to take to bed for every man who even remotely resembled Sam. It wasn’t the same as having Sam by his side, but sometimes some random guy would allow Dean to call him Sam during sex and it was enough. It had to be. 

As if sex wasn't enough Dean started to drink, a lot. He began not to remember where or with whom he spent his nights, nor what he did. Sometimes he forgot about days in a row but Dean didn't care. If he was back at the motel in one piece everything was fine. Maybe he thought alcohol would have helped him forget about Sam too. About his dimples that came out only when Dean made a naughty joke or about his silky hair or about his hazel eyes that have always looked at Dean like he was a hero, like he was actually worth Sam's love.

Naturally being drunk or tipsy while hunting wasn’t one of Dean’s proudest moments. He was still an awesome hunter and even in that state he killed every monster that crossed hid path, but he risked dying more than once. Since Dean was all alone he had no one having his back which should have made him more careful but this instead had the opposite effect. 

***  
It had already been six months since Sam left and one day while Dean was at the motel and packing for another city, in another state hunting for the next monster he had maybe the worst, maybe the best idea in his life. Since he had to go after a jinn in Palo Alto he considered that he could have stopped by to see how Sam was doing. 

With the thought of Sam keeping him company Dean found and killed that jinn son of a bitch in three days and as soon as it was dead he was in the car again. 

Reached the university Dean walked through the campus and tried to bend himself with the students. Until Dean saw him beautiful as ever, maybe a little bit taller than he already was – Dean was sure at this point that his brother was taller than him – and definitely more tanned. 

He was walking with a couple of guys and he seemed happier than ever. Dean felt mixed emotions, he was happy things turned out fine for Sam but he was also hurt that his brother was so happy without him. 

It was then that Dean thought he was being ridiculous, Sam had friends, a life and most importantly he was doing more than fine. 

So he did the only reasonable thing, he left. 

Dean had nothing to worry about Sam was in good hands and far from supernatural creatures of any kind. He was safe. 

Dean hadn’t even left the campus yet when a warm and known and touched him on the shoulder.

“Dean! It’s good to see you man”

“You too Sammy”

“It’s Sam now, anyway what are you doing here?”

“There was a jinn I took care of not far from here an I thought to come and say hi”

“But you were leaving without even seeing me”

“Yeah, well you were with your friends I thought it would have been better if I left”

“Don’t be stupid I always have time for you and besides…”

At this point Sam’s voice lowered.

“they’re dicks”

“I don’t have time anyway… another case”

“Why are you being so elusive? At least let me offer you a beer at my place”

Dean agreed, how could he not. Even if the voice in his head kept screaming it was a terrible idea. The walk to Sam’s apartment was filled with Sam’s voice and his comments about the school and the professors and the classes, but it was nice hearing Sam’s voice again.

***

Sam’s apartment wasn’t very big but it’s on two floor and it smelled like him so Dean liked it anyway. The brothers drank a beer sitting on the little couch in the living room while Sam was babbling about this interesting classed he attended about the rights of the workers. Dean couldn’t control himself anymore so he just asked Sam what he wanted to know all along.

“Why did you stop answering my calls?”

Sam stopped talking mid sentence and took a long sip of his beer.

“You know things are crazy here, I have a lot to study”

“Bullshit and you know it”

“Honestly Dean I was just trying to forget for a while where I came from. I tried to create a different back story for myself, one that was more similar of the other students” 

“And it included forgetting about me too”

“No, or maybe I don’t know. Guess I needed space”

“Lamest excuse ever. If you had a problem with me we could have talked about it”

“I never had a problem with you Dean”

“Then why did you leave? I get all the normal life stuff but why couldn’t you stay? At least for me”

At this point both brother began to rise their voices.

“Not this conversation again Dean, we talked about it enough”

“Well I still don’t get it then”

“This life isn’t what I want. I want to settle down with a girl and have two maybe three kids and hunting monsters isn’t going to give me what I want. You would have done the same!”

“No I wouldn’t have!”

“And why not?”

“Because I care about you and I would have never left you!”

“I care about you too, Dean!”

“Not like I do!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what I mean”

“No Dean I don’t”

“It means I’m in love with you!”

“What . . . ?”

“Nothing forget about it”

Dean left without another word. He felt the air starting to lack from his lungs and the walls starting to crush him. While Dean was walking towards the car he could hear Sam screaming his name and to come back but it was a muffled sound and he really couldn’t bear looking at his brother after his confession. 

He took off with his car and drove until he felt so sleepy that he couldn’t keep his eyes open. Sam tried to call Dean over and over again but Dean never answered. Instead he went to the closest motel he found and tried to sleep his feelings off.


	3. Chapter 3

Of course Dean couldn’t sleep that night. He was too busy thinking about how he ruined his beautiful relationship with his brother. He kept blaming himself for not being able to repress his feelings or at least shut up about them. 

Dean couldn’t sleep for more than three hours for the following two week, after that his body eventually gave up. 

He refused to let himself being dragged into a life of alcoholism and sorrow once again, instead he focused only on hunting. As soon as he killed a monster he was on the road again reaching the next town which needed his help. Dean found quite therapeutic cutting heads off or shot some son of bitches, also it helped him taking his mind off Sam for a while. 

Dean had just taken care of a shape shifter in a small town in Georgia and was already headed to another city in New Jersey, but during the long way he couldn’t help but thinking about Sam and about what he was doing. 

 

***  
Everything happened so fast that Sam hadn’t even had the time to process it. The moment before he was chatting with his brother and the next moment he told Sam that he was in love with him and in a heartbeat Dean was out of the apartment and again in his car. 

Sam would have never imagined that Dean felt that way about him. But strangely he wasn’t grossed out about it like he should have been. Instead he felt almost sorry for not loving Dean back – not in the way he wanted anyway – after all Dean had done for him Sam thought he owed Dean this, but you can’t force love. He tried to think about signals of this confession but couldn’t find any. Sam didn’t think Dean was sick or a monster, he grew up facing real monsters, maybe his brother was just confused about the undeniably strong bond between them. 

Being always the two of them and not being able to get a proper and lasting girlfriend could have been the reasons why Dean thought he loved Sam in that way. Even Sam sometimes, when he was younger, believed he was falling for Dean but these thoughts never lasted more than an hour. As soon as he saw a beautiful girl he immediately forgot about that feeling. 

For the next two week Sam tried to reach out for Dean but he never answered his calls or his messages. For all Sam knew Dean might have never listened to them, so he stopped leaving them and stopped trying to contact Dean. 

***  
Eventually everything seemed to go back to his place, especially the day a certain blonde girl asked Sam for directions on the first day of his sophomore year in college. 

“You look lost”

“Actually I am. I’m looking for the library, but I can’t seem to find it. I’m Jessica by the way”

“Sam and the library is on the other side of the campus. I could walk you there, if you want”

She smiled at him with one of the brightest smiles Sam had ever seen.

“Sure”

They walked together to the library and separated on the entrance. Jessica wasn’t even inside the library yet when Sam asked her out. As the time went by Sam and Jess became more and more friends until Sam overcame his fears and kissed her. Their first kiss took place during one of their nights at Sam’s place, once a week they met there and watched a movie and discussed it once it was over. 

They were watching ghost, it was Jessica who chose that film since she couldn’t believe Sam had never seen it. Of course he loved it. Discussing it Sam realized how smart, witty and beautiful Jess was. So he went and kissed her, who of course didn’t withdrew. 

***  
ONE AND A HALF YEAR LATER

Sam and Jess have been together for the past eighteen months and things were great between them. The agreed on most of the things and when they didn’t see things eye to eye their arguments ended before they went to bed – since a short after being a couple they moved in together – to prevent future hard feelings. 

Sam loved Jess so much, she was everything he’d ever wanted in a girlfriend. She was the normal life he never had until college, she was a future he thought he would have never had and most importantly she felt like a new start.  
She was so incredible and for the first time Sam really felt like she could have been the one. That’s why one day, during a sunny morning of September, Sam asked a friend to go with him and buy Jess a ring. He was going to propose to her the day after. Sam was going to take her to a lavish restaurant, go for a walk and under the light of the moon he wanted to propose to her. He had also written a beautiful speech in which he expressed everything he had never told her. 

Sam was determined to make Jessica to live the second most beautiful night of her life – second only to their wedding day – he had also bought a suit and a dress for the both of them for the occasion. 

The only thing he had to worry about was to hide the ring until the night after, which would have been a challenge since him and Jess lived together now. But he quickly found a remedy for this problem; he hid the ring between his hunt weapons, which he kept just in case something would have threatened Jess’ life. The weapons were hidden in a drawer of their dresser, which had a false bottom. She would have never found it. 

“Hey Jess I bought you something”

Sam showed her a box, which contained an expensive red dress.

“I don’t what to say, it’s beautiful Sam, but it must have cost you a fortune”

“Don’t even think about it. It’s for a special occasion; tomorrow you and me are going to have dinner at Riva’s. I know you wanted to try it for the longest time and I managed to get us a reservation” 

“It’s beautiful thank you”

“I love you”

“I love you too”

***

The night came, Sam and Jess were sleeping peacefully in their bed when a sound like a window opening woke Sam up. Carefully Sam go out of the bed – trying not to wake Jessica too – and grabbing a bat he started to go down the stairs. 

Looking around to see in there were any intruders Sam noticed that a window he was sure was closed before he went to bed was now open. After a few seconds Sam heard footsteps and after a short while a man entered the room Sam was in. 

Sam lunged forward and grabbed the man at the shoulder. The man of course reacted and knocked Sam’s arm away and aimed a strike at Sam, who ducked. At this point the mysterious man who entered Sam’s apartment grabbed Sam’s arm, swung him around and shoved him back. Sam tried to kick him but was soon blocked and pushed in another room. 

If this person hadn’t seen Sam’s face before he sure saw it then; Sam got a glimpse of his face too, but it was too dark to proper see whose face it was. 

Taking advantage of Sam’s moment of distraction the man elbows Sam in the face, the two men fought for another while, until the unknown man knocks Sam down and pins him to the floor, one hand around Sam’s neck and the other holding Sam’s wrist. 

By then the man’s face was completely enlightened by the moon and Sam was able to recognize him, even before he spoke: Dean. 

“Whoa, easy, tiger”

“Dean? You scared the crap out of me!”

“That's 'cause you're out of practice”

Sam grabbed Dean's hand and yanked, slamming his heel into Dean's back and Dean to the floor.

“Or not”

Dean and Sam briefly talked about why Dean was there but he couldn’t tell Sam the real reason because as he tried to explain it Jessica entered the room. Of course Sam immediately did the presentation and while Jessica seemed actually pleased to meet his brother, Dean made some inappropriate comments. 

It was hard for Dean seeing his brother with a girlfriend, one that was so beautiful and probably as smart as Sam was. Dean understood why Sam needed someone by his side, he couldn’t be alone forever and she seemed the kind of girl one could start a family with. 

But there was something about her – her light hair or maybe her green eyes – which reminded Dean of himself. Maybe he was just seeing things and he shouldn’t have thinking about how things went less than a couple years back but Dean couldn’t help it. 

The thing which hurt Dean the most was that for how similar he and Jessica were there was a very big difference between the two of them – except the obvious not-being-related thing – and it was that Jessica was everything Dean couldn’t be for Sam, a shelter, a wise choice and most importantly a life not out of the ordinary. 

***

Waken up from his thoughts Dean convinced Sam to follow him outside where he explained how their father was missing and this time Dean feared something really bad had happened to him. 

Eventually Sam agreed to follow Dean and try to find John to the condition that he had to e back to Stanford by Monday due to an important job interview he obtained. They left that very night leaving back a very confused Jessica. 

Dan couldn’t believe he had his little brother back by his side and they were on a hunting trip, it was like going back in time of two years when things were simpler and Sam was still shorter than Dean. Good times. 

Having Sam back in the car with him, even if just for a short while, made Dean euphoric not that he showed it anyway. But just the thought of the both of them being together again made his heart beat a little faster and his hands a little sweatier. 

Of course beside all of this happiness there was a very high tension between the two of them because of the last time the saw each other. Even if things seemed to be back at normal there was something in the way Sam avoided Dean’s touch. Maybe it was unconscious or maybe Dean was exaggerating or maybe there was a crack in the connection that used to bond the two Winchesters. 

Since neither Sam nor Dean intended to talk about it, since chick flicks moments were not their thing they decided to just shut up about it, hoping the tension would go away on its own. 

On the other hand it was Sam who felt Dean being more distant probably because he hadn’t accepted his feelings yet. Sam still believed Dean was the one confused about how he felt for his brother, but now that Dean was back it was like fresh air after not being able to breath for months. 

He missed Dean so much he thought he couldn’t make it, Jess’ presence made things easier for Sam but it had always been like there was a missing piece in his life, an essential piece that in that moment, in that car looking directly at it made him want to drop off college and be back on the road, sleep in shitty motel rooms and not having enough money. 

Sam also knew he would have regretted dropping off, that’s why he kept reminding more to himself than to Dean that he had to be back by Monday. But the most concerning thing was that he never considered how his absence would have affected Jess, he was just worrying about his future, which for the first time didn’t include her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out to be kinda of an AU, just because I extended a bit the time of the hunt.  
> Hope you enjoy anyway!

The hunt was quite easy, after a couple of days of research Dean and Sam understood what they had to do to get rid of the woman in white and avoid further murders of unfaithful men. 

But still their father was not in Jericho so Dean had to keep looking. Of course he would have dropped Sam to college again, even if they hadn't found their father. A promise was a promise.

On their way to the motel Sam kept thinking about what the woman in white had said to him. She told him he would be unfaithful. Of course it could have been just a stupid excuse she made to justify ripping Sam's heart out of his body, but it still mad Sam think. What if she knew what she was talking about, Sam had never thought about cheating on Jessica but he couldn't totally exclude this option. This thought mad him even more anxious, if he really loved her why couldn't he be sure about not cheating on her?

"Sam, I can hear you thinking it's annoying. Speak or stop it"

"Sorry, I was just thinking about what that woman told me"

"She was trying to kill you whatever she told you doesn't matter"

Of course these words didn't calm Sam at all. 

Back at the motel Dean went under the shower without even telling Sam, that was how bad he needed it.

These days spent with Dean made Sam think about a lot of things but most importantly made him think about the possible reasons why he didn't react as bad as he should have when Dean confessed him his love. 

Thinking about it calmly it wasn't normal that he simply accepted it. Sam should have been disgusted or at least he should be a bit reluctant in being near Dean. And he was the night Dean came to take him on this trip, but it was just because they hadn't spoken in the previous year and a half. 

Now it was different, it seemed like that conversation never took place. 

Sam kept thinking how during the time they spent together a couple of years before it happened quite often that people mistaken them for lovers. And thought about how he never cared. And maybe - just maybe - he was a little bit in love with Dean too. 

Which made him even more worried about his future. In a few hours he would have been back in college with his girlfriend - soon to be fiancée - and how he suddently didn't want to be with her, he didn't want to be back in college and didn't want to take that stupid interview for that stupid job. He wanted to be with Dean, in every way. 

***  
Dean had never felt dirtier. As soon as the hot water started to flow he was inside. The pressure wasn't the best but it felt amazing anyway. Of course being in the shower led to an unpleasant conversation Dean had to have with himself.

Obviously Sam's presence back in his life made old feelings come flooding back. He felt home, comfort and something that was quite similar to peace after years of war. All the emotions Dean had tried to forget about came back with more strength than before and Dean genuinely thought he was gonna drown in them. 

He didn't, in the middle of this thoughts the cold water started to flow awakening Dean from his status of trance.

***  
Dean got out of the shower and quickly dressed himself before going to bed and slip a bit less than three hours before waking up again and taking Sam back to his life without Dean.

When Dean got out of the bathroom Sam was still awake. 

"I thought you were already asleep"

"Actually I was waiting for you. I wanted to talk to you"

The sentence that could make even the most cold hearted people skip a heartbeat. 

"So talk"

Sam giggled.

"I don't really know how to start this conversation"

"Sam it's two in the am, could you just spit it out"

 

"It's not easy for me to admit it, especially after what happened a few months ago. But I love you Dean"

"No stop it, you don't get to love me, not after what we've been through and not after Jessica"

At this point it was Dean's which was talking, Dean was hurt after his confession to Sam and was not going to let himself be hurt again.

"I know but I realized how wrong I was. Dean I've always loved you, since I was a child and you used to take care of me and you never stopped. I loved you when I jumped from the shed and broke my arm. I remember how you drove me to the ER on your handlebars. I loved you when I bought you the necklace you're still wearing just because I thought you would have liked it and I loved you when Jess and I became a couple. She reminded me of you that's why it was her. Every choice I made in my life was because I love you Dean"

Dean was having difficulties to breathe but this didn't seem to stop Sam from getting dangerously close. In a blink of an eye Sam's lips were on Dean's stopping him from saying anything he wanted to.

It was delicate and insecure, neither of the two brothers knew how to move or what to do next. Eventually they both relaxed and Dean opened his mouth letting Sam's tongue in. Dean's hand touched hesitantly Sam's soft skin and this made Sam shiver.  
Their tongues were savoring each other mouth for the first time and it was ecstastic. Soon Sam took control of the kiss and pushed gently Dean against the wall deepening the kiss. Soon they broke the kiss to breath and with just the hint of a glare between them Sam and Dean kissed again going towards the bed and falling on it without ending their contact.

The two separated for a brief moment just enough time for Dean to ask Sam if he was sure about what was going to happen. Sam replied by kissing Dean again and went for the hem of Dean’s shirt. It came off smoothly and Sam threw it somewhere in the room. 

Sam quickly undressed the both of them until there were just their underwear separating their skin. Sam nibbled Dean’s neck and started to caress his erection through the thin layer of clothing. 

Dean’s hands soon found Sam’s hair and securely hold it. Sam was now leaving a flaming trail of sloppy kisses on Dean’s neck and chest. He stopped just to lick one of Dean’s nipples and continued to lower himself on Dean’s body. Just a few inches before the hem of Dean’s underwear he stopped again looking in a very lascivious way in Dean’s eyes.

“You know there’s no coming back from now on?”

It was more of a statement than a question, but Sam wanted to be sure it was mutual. Dean simply nodded since he wasn’t able to form proper words. With this acknowledgement Sam undressed Dean of the last piece of clothing and Dean’s cock jumped up. 

It was just a bit shorter than Sam’s but equally thick. Sam took it in his hand and was surprised to see how familiar this felt. He began to move his fist up and down stopping every once in a while to give more attention to its head. Dean was a whimpering mess at this point and the real fun hadn’t began yet. 

Not much later from Dean’s cock started to leak precome so Sam stopped gaining a moan of disappointment from Dean.

“Shush babe, this is going to be so much better”

Dean shivered at the pet name Sam gave him. 

“Hurry up. I want to feel you”

Sam felt a rush of pleasure at Dean’s words, which reminded he was still in his underwear. He almost tore it off his body and went for the lube his brother always kept in his bag just in case. 

As soon as Sam found it he was on Dean again in no time. Sam squeezed a fair amount in his hand to warm it up. 

“On your stomach Dean”

“No, I want to look at you while you fuck me”

Sam’s cock seemed to appreciate what Dean told him, but Sam’s intent was to make this as enjoyable as possible for Dean and consequently for himself. 

“I don’t think that is the best position you know?”

“I don’t care Sam just fucking hurry up”

This was all Sam needed to start fingering Dean. Of course Dean wasn’t stupid and put one of the pillows under his hips to help Sam. The younger Winchester started to play with Dean’s entrance pushing his finger against it but without actually put it in. At Dean’s exasperated whimper Sam pushed it in. It entered fairly easily which made Sam wonder.

“Has anyone ever touched you here?”

Dean moaned at the feeling of Sam’s finger.

“Answer me Dean”

Sam’s tone was demanding but somehow still just slightly more than a whisper. 

“No one has ever fucked me if that’s what you wanted to know. But i might have tried fo finger myself”

Dean almost panted which made Sam proud of himself.

“So I’m popping your cherry”

Sam’s tone was mocking but deep down he was glad he was Dean’s first - and hopefully last - since just thinking about someone else touching his Dean made him furious. 

“Shut up and fuck me before I get old”

Sam moved his hand slowly, teasingly and when he noticed Dean was comfortable he inserted a second digit. Moving it at different angles Sam finally found what he aimed for. When he touched Dean’s prostate Dean’s back arched from the bed and Dean let out a moan which was worthy of a porn star.

After Sam inserted the third finger Dean impatiently spoke.

“Please Sam just fuck me I need it”

Dean in that brief amount of time had passed from being Sam’s cocky brother to Sam’s begging brother which was such a turn on Sam thought he could come just from Dean’s desperate voice.

Since Dean hadn’t mentioned it Sam thought it was fine for him not to use any condoms, Sam wanted to feel Dean bare and probably Dean wanted it too. Sam used another bit of the lobe to coat his cock and Dean’s entrance and in a smooth motion he was inside Dean.

It was the most amazing feeling Sam ever experienced, it was so warm and tight and knowing who he was in made Sam want to fuck Dean roughly. He appealed to all his strength to keep still and let Dean adjust.

Dean on the other hand had never felt this full and not just because he was literally full of Sam’s cock, but he felt full of love and appreciation. The way Sam’s hand was caressing his waist and how Sam looked at him it was everything Dean had ever wanted but never dared to hope.

Just a glance was enough to make the two brother understand each other and when Dean looked Sam with eyes filled with lust and something else which resembled love. Sam withdrew and pushed back in hitting Dean’s prostate in the process.

Both of them moaned long and loud. Soon Sam found a steady rhythm and started to fuck Dean properly holding on to Dean’s waist so hard it would have left bruises the day after. In that moment something had changed between them. It wasn’t just lust and wanting to get laid with your brother. It was so much more, it was familiarity, friendship, complicity. It was years of denying and hiding feelings. It was a pure explosion of love and it felt like home.

Dean’s moans filled the room, he was the loud one in bed, Sam was quieter but he felt every cell in his body being contaminated by Dean and he didn’t care. Too soon Sam’s rhythm began to be less steady and more erratic. They were both close. 

“Come for me Dean, can you do that? Without touching yourself?”

Of course Dean did what Sam told him and cam a few thrust later. At the vision of Dean blissed out and the feeling of his channel contracting him Sam came too. 

Sam pulled out of Dean collapsed on him. They rolled on the side and Sam big spooned Dean. They rolled on the side and Sam big spooned Dean who was still recovering from the best orgasm in his life. Sam felt the need to speak.

“That was amazing”

“It really was”

“What does it mean for us Dean”

“It means what you want it to mean Sam”

“I want to be with you. Like in a real relationship. I’ll leave Jessica tomorrow and Stanford and it will be the two of us hunting monsters again”

“Sounds like a plan but I won’t let you waste your future”

“I’m nor wasting it, I’m just… improving it. And there’s nothing you can say to make me change my mind”

“Fine”

“Hey Dean I love you”

“I love you too”

But there was one thought which crept in Sam’s mind: the woman in white was right, he had been unfaithful.

But that was a thought for the next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my first attempt to write something like this, so if you have something to criticise don't esitate to leave a comment.  
> Also let me know if there are any mistakes.


End file.
